Not worth it? I don't see it that way. Why is everything I do.. always so wrong? I'm always wrong, always the one that needs the healing. Never you.. No, no.. Not you sir.. Never you. Defiance? Is that what you really think? Honestly, you think I would get upset and break my own heart over and over and let you hurt him. Go through all of this trouble just to spite you? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? .. No chances.. no consideration.. not fair. Life isn't fair I understand. No changes.. I would expect as much. He has done nothing wrong, not to me and not to you but that doesn't matter, does it? I'm supposed to give everyone a chance, never write people off, don't let people get too close, date these people, be this.. do this.. only friends.. only friends? Practice what you preach sir.. I shouldn't write people off... do tell me... why can you? Everyone I have ever... ever “written off” was given a chance.. as a matter of fact, more than a few. You can't give him one, just one opportunity. You sicken me. I am disgraced, not to mention, ashamed to resemble you. To think that being like you was a great thing, the greatest. I love you, and my love for you will never change.. but I do believe you're wrong. Not only against him.. but also, taking past experiences out on someone you don't even know. Won't even consider getting to know. Reputation?? WHAT REPUTATION???!?!?! I'm supposed to sit down and let society [or at least what you think society is] be my master and pull me around like a puppy? WHY?!?! for what?!?! Happiness.. the one thing you've always wanted. I don't know the future.. Hypothetically, what if he is my happiness? Would you feel perfectly alright taking that away because of your past? I honor your opinion, I listen to every word. Agree with it? No.. never. Call it a defect blame it on her. I don't care, my mind is strong you know this. You've known me.. I can think logically, I've always been an adult and you've always known. But now all of a sudden, you're saving me from persecuting myself? From ending my life, as society knows it? I don't need them, I understand you are not going to support me.. That hurts more than anyone can imagine. You think I've betrayed you.. Went behind your back just to spite you. If I didn't believe in what I am standing up for.. do you honestly believe that I would keep drawing it out? Keep pulling at every tiny thread merely just to unravel your anger. Pushing buttons because I love disappointing you?!?! you know me better than this.. Way better. You know disappointment straight up kills me, upsets me more than anything. And yet there is a possibility that you truly believe this. I swear it's like you don't even consider my thoughts or my feelings. You just automatically assume that I am against you. If you really want to live like that, then fine. Do it. The happiness that you have always wanted.. You gave up too soon before it found you. You look and it's never there, but it is truly amazing what all shows up when you aren't looking at all. I have to leave him.. leave this guy whom I have strong feelings for. I understand that if it is true love then it will happen no matter what, and I also understand that I am still young and should not make such decisions. However, just thinking that none of this would have happened if he were born a different race, anything but what he is. That is heart-wrenching. The sad thing is that if he were different then we probably would not have found each other and if we did we would have stayed friends like we were “supposed” to. This experience is not quite over and neither is the pain nor regret. I should have no feelings for him. He should know we can't be together. What is that supposed to mean? Can't be together? It is 2009, why are there interracial couples all over this place and we just can't be together? It comes down to this, as a couple this might just be our demise or this can just be another step that makes us stronger.